Happy New Year!

Okay, so it’s the new year.

Now what? Well, for one, I plan to be more active here.

I have many things that have pissed me off lately, but no time to rant! What sadness it’s caused.

Well, let’s talk about things I liked about twenty-ten.

Favorite Metal Album

Fear Factory – Mechanize

So, Fear Factory has been missing for a while. I’m sure they’ve been busy. Upon hearing that they were geared up for another album, I wasn’t super excited. Not that I didn’t like any of their previous albums, but I was thinking, how long can they push the Industrial Metal thing until it gets boring or they lose their touch or passion for it?

Man was I wrong to question them. This is honestly one of my favorite Fear Factory albums of all time. The metal is heavy enough to make my ears bleed. The lyrics are deep and show that there was definitely a thought process behind them. Not just random “die’s and kill’s”.

Overall, I have had this album on loop for the past week or so, as that was when I finally had time to sit down and listen to it. “Set this world on fire, wake up the Oxidizer!”

Favorite PC Game

Splinter Cell : Conviction

This was so much fun. Story driven with a satisfying ending (which is what many new games seem to fail with nowadays). Action was great, stealth was better. And this is the FIRST Splinter Cell game where the controls weren’t ass fucking me sideways! That’s right a keyboard friendly Splinter Cell game. That in itself made it soooo much better. Graphics were great, and style was pretty creative. Art director did a good job. Gadgets and AI were interesting. The AI actually made attempts to flank and trap me, so, that was fun.

Favorite PS3 Game

We all know what this is, don’t we?

Red Dead Redemption

This game harnesses that classic free-roam style that R* games is famous for and then drops amazing graphics and game play on it. Seriously, this game is so fucking good. Play it!

Favorite Event

Malaysian Dub Step Alliance’s Scream Event

More dub than chub that night. Head banging for a few hours, great crowd, amazing Dj’s and a shit load dub-step. Best event I’ve been to in years actually. It even out did the Slash concert I went to earlier that year. So good.

Favorite New Food Hot ‘n’ Roll

Rolled up pizza like food. Really good when you’re on the go. This is not a paid ad.

Favorite Life Changing Moment

“Can I have your access card?”

“Wait, you don’t want me to come in tomorrow?”

“No,” he said, “it’s nothing personal just a precaution.”

“Shit, was I that bad?”

That’s right, folks. Doctor Gill got let go.

But, I’m on to better bush.. wait, I mean greener pastures. Greener pastures that don’t smell so much like fish. Hehe.

Starting my own company, RedBlack Labs.

OOOOOOH YEAH!

Well, that’s it I guess. God bless, and Happy Fuckin’ New Year!

It ain't easy.

Click for a bigger picture.

makes another great desktop wallpaper.

P/S: Fuck your copyright.

Yet another desktop background to stir up some shit in the office.

Enjoy.

PRETTY MUCH FUCKED.

Hey guys,

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything even remotely important, I have great honor in saying that that will not change. Aside from all the recent family drama, the unfortunate office fuck-uppery, the rekindling of my love for heavy-fucking-metal and the genitals on my chin, nothing’s changed.

Really. I’ve run outta shit to complain about.

Could it be? No? Yes? Oh no….

Read the rest of this entry »

“Those who forget fear, forget how to face it.”

~ Doctor Gill

It’s Friday the 13th. Pack your camping bags, and get your condom packs from your high school teachers. Because, we, the cool kids, are going camping at Camp Crystal lake. Ready, Jason? You’ve got a hunt to go for.

Well, being Friday the 13th, I’ve had a run in with a hockey masked mass murderer. Via comics, that is. You know what’s weird, after all these years, Jason still has a huge fucking appeal for me. I still love watching that huge ugly bastard hack humping teens in to bloody chunks. It’s well, it’s fucking satisfying.

I recommend you go out and get your hands on a shitload of Friday the 13th movies. Except for Friday the 13th V: Jason Lives and Jason X. Because those two are horrible. Watch at your own risk… Oh, and make sure you get Friday the 13th VIII : Jason Takes Manhattan.

Seriously check it out : Jason takes Manhattan

Enjoy, bitches.

~love yourself~

.. you rotten mother fuckers…

It's true. Really.

It’s been a year. Happy muhfuckin’ anniversary.

That’s right! A year ago around this time, I started this blog. Just for you and mostly for me. So, here’s a little gift. The image above is a wallpaper you can use in your office, at home, on your iPad or just to scare friends.

I think it works great in your office as a desktop wallpaper.

Really.

Imagine this; you’re sitting there at your desk, your’re tired and angry and you HATE your job with a fuckin’ vengeance. Then, your boss shows up to give you more shit than yo momma on the fourth of july when you came home drunk with a hotdog in your hair and you were propped up by the three charming, half-naked prosti-dudes you picked up at your best friend’s wedding in the ‘Titty-Hole’ strip club… Anyway, your boss shows up and when he does you happen to hit the ’show desktop’ button and presto… he reads the text against the grunge wall.

DOCTOR GILL WILL EAT YOUR SOUL.

Those words resonate in his head at incredible speeds. Through his hollow fucking head and then through the lactose deficient bones he stands on. All of a sudden he doesn’t know what to say. His words have been cut off by the powerful message of the image before him. He turns his head to you. You, sitting there, hair slightly unkempt, your eyes glazed over and reflecting the dark potato sack bags under them. Your lips thin and cracking.

The combination of your angry and distraught face and the image will send shivers through his gutless spine…

OR….

It’s just a cool muthafuckin’ image you can use.

~love yourself~

AND I’M BACK WITH A VENGEANCE!

Okay, so; hey, welcome back and all those pleasantries. Now for the shit you’re here for. Things that piss me off that probably piss you off too & questions that your pussy ass is too afraid to ask.

By Doctor Gill

So, I’m sitting down at a restaurant the other day, trying to enjoy a couple dozen cigarettes and the company of two friends. We’re deep in discussion about people we don’t like and things that weird us out. I light another cigarette and BOOM! This guy is standing next to me. Hands out asking for money.

Now, usually I try to help out the needy when I can. Besides, they’ll settle for whatever change you’ve got or loose bills in your pocket. They don’t beg for much, as long as they get a little *clink* in their cup, they’re happy. I can deal with that. I’ve been hungry before too, so I know what it’s like.

(For those of you that don’t, hunger is like you perpetually need to puke and shit and your stomach growls worse than your cat that time you gave it the space brownies you’d been saving for that Chemical Brothers concert.)

Anyway, this dude was NOT a beggar or a starving orphan. He was a relentless fucker. Again, usually, if you don’t have change or some amount of money you’re willing to part with you can say ’sorry’ to the beggar and he or she (see, I’m in support of equal rights) will l leave. This one didn’t.

I said “sorry, man. Not interested.” He smiled and nodded his head. Motioning to the cup in his hand.

*** PAUSE***

You probably think I’m a dick. You’re not the first. But, like I said this guy wasn’t homeless. He wasn’t a beggar. He wasn’t even disabled. He was a well fed, well manicured, perfectly capable, young, Buddhist Monk. … Okay, okay, okay so you probably STILL think I’m a dick. Granted. Lemme explain. When he popped out of zen-like air and in to existence right next to me, cup drawn and smile handy, I noticed a few things.

1. His CROC shoes/slippers/sandals/whatever-the-fuck-it’s-called cost more money than I have in my friggin’ bank account.

2. I’m a dick and was wondering how much that super-smooth, extra-sleek, buffed haircut had cost him?

3. That cool sling bag he carried was branded. Original. And quite a nice lookin’ bag. Probably cost double the hair-cut, or half the shoes/sandals/whatevers.

*** Un-PAUSE ***

So, we told him many times, ’sorry, we’re not going to give you any money.’ His response: a motion to the cup (handy smile still intact). This went on for a while. Finally, the girl at the table with us whipped out a single dollar, which made me do it too (strangely). Put the dollars in to his cup, and he walked off. On to the next table full of weak-willed, hapless victims…. such as us.

NEXT UP! Idiots on the train and how without them, your ride would be less entertaining.

On the way to work one day I was sitting in the train. Minding my own business. My gray fedora hat tipped down leaving just a little space for me to observe the other passengers. Across me, this kinda cute girl (short skirt, long hair, average C cups) stepped in to the train and adjusted herself in her seat.

This should be fun, I thought. And it was! I lifted my head and noticed that the few other passengers around me, were all guys. Too many dudes around a cute girl can cause the CAVEMAN syndrome. This is when those ‘men’ attempt to subtley impress the girl.

All the guys immediately changed posture and position. Some had they’re heads hung low for the cool-emo look. Others tucked their wedding ring hands in to their pocket and leaned against the walls for the ‘I’m cool chillin’ against the wall‘ look. Me I like the ‘I’m shady and may or may not rob/murder/eat your soul look.’

One guy, fucking champion that he is, decides that although he’s on a moving train, he doesn’t need to have a grip on the poles. You know, the shiny poles in trains that you hold on to so that you can maintain balance as the train moves and bends arounds corners. Yeah, those ones. So, no wall to lean on, he faces the girl (who really hasn’t noticed any of this and most probably didn’t give a soaring fart).

He let’s go of the balancing pole and crosses his arms. Obviously, intuition told me to check this epic fail about to happen. Gotta love instinct. True enough, the train came to a screeching-train-like-halt at the next stop and wouldn’t you know it, dude went soaring in to the corner, right next to the door.

Everyone looked. She looked, I looked, other dudes looke

We all tried not to laugh. I let out a small heh-heh, of course.

Dip-shit.

So, those were two short tales to help you through your day of crunching numbers or bull fighting or whatever it is you do. I bring these up, because recently I’ve forgotten one of my own sayings that I used to live by : life is only as fun as you make it.

So, keep that in mind when disaster strikes about you, and remember to

~love yourself~

Hello my enthusiastic human sheeps.

Over the past 15 days, I’ve been waering myself thin with work. During which time, after a few days of not sleeping, you begin to ponder things, Things like; ‘is this it, is this all I’m gonna do with my life, why am I here, is this what God made me for?’

That’s the dangerous one. The last one. “Is this what God made me for?”

This one may lead to other innocent questions as you begin to tune in to a higher pitch at four in the morning. As your brain begins to simmer in the heat of your skull. Questions like; if this is what I was made for, it really doens’t seem worth it, (which inevitably leads to the ultimate question) does God really exist?

Read the rest of this entry »

Destroy, motherfucker.

That’s right. I fucking said it.

Destruction, mayhem and the end of the world. Great themes to write music/movies to. It’s the truth, no? Well, if you don’t believe me, watch me destroy your fucking face!

HU-HAH!

Okay, I looked up the meaning of destroy,

Destroy.

Verb. [trans -- I don't know what tranny's have to do with this... but, okay...]

to put an end to the existence of (something) by damaging or attacking it

example : I slapped you with my mega-penis, and therefore destroyed your sleep pattern.

example : Dude, I destroyed that chick. I totally rammed her, man. Like, she couldn’t walk and shit… but, now I gotta get a new bumper for my vehicle.

Destruction, is a cool muh-fucking thing. When I was younger I had actually spent a lot of time constructing a large cardboard city. Complete with details and logos on the buildings. Why? Because, I wanted to out the fucker on fire and watch it burn.

Not out of a cruel, fucked up childhood sort of thing, but simply because it’s greatly entertaining. We all love fucked up child-stars when they’re about 25 and hooked on drugs and appear as total fucking train wrecks.

We love watching Bruce Willis blow shit up.

We love watching Sly Stallone blow shit up.

We love watching Arnold Shwarzen-whatever-the-fuck blow shit up.

We love watching Jason Statham drive away really fast from shit that is blowing up.

We love watching blooper videos of shit blowing up.

We love watching Steven Segall bloat up. (He’s fat now. Like really fat.)

People like destroying things.

Like the hopes and dreams of millions of people. Not just normal people, FANS. Fans of a great series that was undeniably one of the better things we’ve seen.

Those hopes and dreams were destroyed.

I’m sure you know that I am talking about the Max-fucking-Payne-in-the-ass movie.

I WILL NEVER LET IT GO!

One good thing did come out of it though, Mark Whalberg’s career went the way of Puff Daddy’s/P.Diddy/Diddy/Piddle/Puffy Puff Puff Mania/ Papa Puff Pants/ Diddle My Puff/ Puff Your Mom’s cool factor.

Well, this has been fun. Just needed to destroy something. Thought I’d start with your brain cells.

Destroy this post with your comments! I COMMAND THEE!

P/S: Fuck Uwe Boll. He’s an unrelenting asshole.

~love yourself … and not the Max Payne movie~

“I’m sorry, but, I don’t think you’re qualified for this project. We appreciate your time and we–”

“Hold on, pal.”

“Excuse me?”

“Excused. Now, I’m going to give you an offer.”

“Listen, we really don’t think you are the right person for this particular–”

“No. You listen. You can either let me do this freelance…

… or I’ll DO your mom.

You’re choice.”

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